


Bankroll

by SerpentineJ



Series: Fluffy AU Shassie Key Word Oneshots [2]
Category: Psych
Genre: Banks - Freeform, F/M, M/M, Shawn gets shot, There is a teddy bear, Wow, so many things, this was long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 07:48:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2261661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerpentineJ/pseuds/SerpentineJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2)	Bankroll – Shawn handed Lassiter his roll of bills and winked. “Taking someone special out for dinner tonight, Lassilicious?” Carlton sighed and smoothed out the wrinkles in his forehead with the tips of his fingers. “Actually, Spencer, I am.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bankroll

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, ho, this took forever to finish! I've been watching some Psych, but school's just started again so I don't know how much I will update. I'm definitely not abandoning this, though.

The door to the mom and pop bank chimed and a gust of warm summer air wafted in from the outside, bringing with it a tall, surly-looking man in a cheap suit.  
The man in question glanced at the bank counter and, seeing the brown-haired genius sitting there, sighed and stalked up to the counter.

“Lassie!” He was greeted by an exuberant exclamation. “It feels like it’s been forever! How’ve you been? Oohh!” The man behind the counter smirked. “Wait, don’t tell me.” His attentive hazel eyes swept over the irritated detective who was currently crossing and uncrossing his arms. 

“Hmm…” The brunette who was identified by his nametag as Shawn Spencer hummed, eyes narrowing as he observed. “Oooh, they transferred your partner? That’s gotta hurt.” Lassiter made to speak, but was cut off. “The Chief isn’t letting you work on a new case because she’s convinced it’s not a case, and your new partner is… a transfer detective, fresh from Miami, named… Juliet O’Hara.” He waggled his eyebrows. “She sounds hot. Bring her in sometime?”

Lassie scowled and handed Shawn his bank card. “How do you do that? I brushed myself for clues before I came in. Also, I need $200 in cash.”

Shawn simply grinned and swiped the card. “Oh, Lassie. Do you really want to know what you missed?”

At the detective’s curt nod he opened his mouth. “Well, you’re more irritable than usual, so something’s definitely up. Your suit is new, but it still has the sale sticker on it: it's on the back. Your partner would have thought to tell you of that.” He stopped for a moment, considering. “I know your new partner is female, blond, from Miami and relatively young because you smell like Sea Breeze, which is a hair product made and sold only in Miami, mainly used by the younger population, and you have a long blond hair on your shirt.”

The detective just sighed and peeled the sticker off his jacket and removing the offending hair before looking up. “Impressive as usual, Spencer.” He held out his hand. “Can I have my card and cash?”

Shawn handed Lassiter his roll of bills and winked. “Taking someone special out for dinner tonight, Lassilicious?” Carlton sighed and smoothed out the wrinkles in his forehead with the tips of his fingers. “Actually, Spencer, I am.”

The teller gasped. “Old Lassie, back in the game?” He grinned. “Now you have to dish. Is she blond? Brunette? Long hair, short hair?”

“That… is none of your business.” The blue-eyed detective glared at him but didn’t make to walk away. Shawn smirked. 

~~~~~~

Carlton walked in the next week scowling.

“So?” Shawn asked, looking excited. “How’d the date go?”

There was a moment of silence in which Shawn looked expectantly, hand tapping a rhythm on the tabletop.

Lassiter’s eyes narrowed. Classic sign of nervousness. Nervousness?

He must be reading him wrong.

“Well…” He cleared his throat and looked away, straightening his tie. “We went to Mario’s, she ordered the fettuccini alfredo… and she went to the bathroom and never came back.”

Shawn’s eyebrows came together, scrunching his forehead, and he put a hand on Lassiter’s.

~~~~~~

The next week Carlton wasn’t wearing his jacket. It was understandable, given the Santa Barbara summer hear, but the practicality of the change didn’t stop Shawn from drooling.  
It wasn’t his fault. How was he supposed to focus with Lassie all handsome like that? His half-untucked shirt matched the blues of his eyes, his salt and pepper hair was a little mussed, and the whole shoulder holster thing was really hot…

Shawn shook himself out of his ogling and went to swipe Lassie’s card, missing the shadow of a smirk cross the older detective’s face.

~~~~~~

When Carlton walked into the bank the week after that, Shawn’s not there. In his place behind the counter is a smooth-headed man with chocolate skin who, when Lassiter asks, says Shawn is home sick with the flu.

Lassiter leaves, cash in hand, feeling oddly unsatisfied.

~~~~~~

Gus told Shawn about the “salt and pepper, gangly dude in the cheap suit with the big ears” who asked about him.

Shawn grinned nonstop for a whole hour.

~~~~~~

“Hello, Spencer.” 

Shawn whirled around and, seeing Lassiter leaning on the counter, put a hand to his chest. “Holy bajeezus, Lassie!” He mock gasped. “You scared the crap outta me! And I’m not an easy man to surprise.” His eyes narrowed. “How did you get in without triggering the bell?”

He shrugged. “Parked around back. Your dad let me in.”

“Tch.” The younger Spencer scoffed. “Always trying to get a rise out of me.” He raised his voice. “Not gonna work this time, Pop!”

Lassiter watched amusedly. “This time?”

Shawn scowled and crossed his arms. “I should have known better. First the Hornstock incident, then the whole thing with Michael, and now this.”

His blue-eyed customer cocked his head. “Hornstock? Michael?”

“Ah, yeah.” The teller took Carlton’s card from an outstretched hand and started running it through the system. “Michael was my boyfriend of 2001.” 

The detective across the counter’s eyebrows darted up his forehead by a fraction.

“And I have a friend who’s a lawyer, Adam Hornstock? You might know of him, Mr. Detective, he’s pretty well-known in the criminal justice department. We solved the Sandra Panich case together.” He puffed out his chest. “Well, us and Gus.”

“Wait,” Lassiter said, narrowing his eyes. “That was you? And you and Guster work on cases?”

Shawn scratched his head, poking the antiquated teller sitting on the counter. “Stupid thing…” he muttered, then looked back up at Lassiter. “Yeah, we work on cases.” Spencer smirked. “All this genius can’t go to waste in a mom and pop bank. We have a consulting agency and everything! We do a lot of snap-n-shoot adultery cases, I call in tips to the police station, Gus complains about how little the police pay for my amazing, case-solving tips…” He grinned. “It’s called Psych. Here, have a card!”

“Psych?” Carlton frowned, pocketing the business card. “As in ‘gotcha’?”

“Yup!” The brunette was practically bouncing now. “As in, we got the criminals. Or the cheating spouses. Either one.”

~~~~~~

“Ugh!” Juliet threw her hands up in the air and tossed the case file on her desk.

Lassiter understood her frustration. It was midnight of the fourth day on this double homicide case and the investigation was going nowhere.

He narrowed his eyes. It couldn’t hurt…

“Carlton?” The blond junior detective asked. “Where are you going?”

~~~~~~

Shawn was lounging in the Psych office with Gus when the call came.

“Hello?” He answered it and smiled when he heard the deep voice on the other side. “And to what do I owe this midnight pleasure, Detective?”

~~~~~~

Lassiter fiddled with the edge of his tie as he spoke. “Hey, Spencer.”

“How many times have I told you to call me Shawn, Lassie?”

He sighed. “Shawn. Do you… Could I ask…” He cleared his throat. Why was he so nervous? He felt like he was in high school, asking Victoria Parker out. “We have a case down at the police department and… it’s pretty bad… You and Guster have a detective agency, right?”

~~~~~~

Shawn put his phone in his pocket and grinned. “Gus!” He shouted. “We have a case!”

~~~~~~

Juliet raised an eyebrow at the exuberant young man who bounced through the door of the nearly empty precinct followed by a taller, dark-skinned man in a suit. Who was this? She looked to her partner for answers and was surprised to see a pink tinge shadow his cheeks as he pretended not to hear the newcomers.

“Lassie!” The incoming green-shirted man practically pranced up to the Head Detective’s desk. Juliet’s eyes widened as he slung his arms around Lassiter’s neck. “We came as soon as you called. What’s the case?”

Carlton sighed. “Hello, Spencer.” He gestured to Juliet and said, “This is Juliet O’Hara. O’Hara, these are… private investigator… friends of mine. Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster. I’ve called them in to… help with this case.”

Shawn’s hazel eyes twinkled and he grinned, hopping over to Juliet. “So this is the lovely Detective O’Hara.” He took her hand and mock bowed. Juliet smiled and, noticing the way her partner’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly, dropped her hand from his. The other man cleared his throat with a glance towards Shawn and he grinned. “Oh, Jules, this is Gus!” 

“Gus?” She asked. “I thought your name was Burton.”

He chuckled lowly. Shawn mentally smiled; he was using his “smooth” voice. “Yeah,” he said, “but most people call me Gus.”

Lassiter cleared his throat. “So, the case?” He handed Spencer a copy of the case file. “Double homicide, one more victim in the ICU. They were all stabbed in their apartments, no murder weapon or fingerprints.”

Shawn grinned at him. “Alright.” He dragged a pair of rolling chairs to the detectives’ desks, plopping into the one by the Head Detective and gesturing for Gus to take one by his partner. “Let’s get to work!”

~~~~~~

The group worked all through the night. By the time 7:00 am came around, Lassiter and Juliet’s desks were cleared of everything else and covered in papers, Gus was napping in the break room, Juliet was asleep in her chair, and Lassiter was on his fifth cup of coffee of the morning. Shawn, however, was sitting in the middle of the conjoined desks amidst all the files, bright-eyed and still analyzing the clues.

Carlton’s head had just started to droop, weighing down the arm supporting it, and was about to drop off when Spencer shouted, causing him to jerk upright.

“Lassie! I solved it!” He grinned childishly, the only trace of the all-nighter they all had just pulled being the slight shadows under his eyes. “All the victims were enrolled or teaching in fancy colleges in the area. The perp is Professor Randy from the community college down State Road; it’s about to close from lack of funding. Give me another couple hours and I might be able to figure out who he’s targeting next.”

Lassiter sighed and leaned back in his chair. Of course Spencer had solved it in one night.

The station was still completely empty, save the faint echoes of Gus’s snoring from the bench he’d crashed on. Shawn jumped up from the table, scattering the papers everywhere, and grabbed Carlton’s hand. “C’mon, Lassie. There’s no-one here, let’s go grab some breakfast. We’ll bring some back for Gus and Jules.” He grinned, and Lassiter felt himself melt a little inside (though he’d never admit to thinking or feeling that). “There’s an IHOP down the street, and the manager owes me a favor so he gives me sprinkles on my pancakes. They have a drive –thru, let’s go!”

He pulled Lassiter out the door and got into the department-sanctioned, cherry-red Crown Vic.

~~~~~~

They returned 20 minutes later bearing styrofoam containers of, as Shawn put it, “fluffy breakfast goodness”. Carlton shook Juliet awake, half-smiling at her sleepy hum and mutter, and sat down with his breakfast.

Shawn returned with Guster, who was yawning and stretching with his shirt untucked and slightly unbuttoned. Lassiter’s eyebrows twitched upwards at O’Hara’s flush at the sight.  
“Jules!” Shawn grinned. “I got you pancakes with peaches and cream. Oh, and sprinkles!” 

The brunette handed a box to his best friend, assuring him that he got him “double chocolate, cream and strawberries!” and nudged the Head Detective.

“Lassie wouldn’t take sprinkles.” He fake pouted. “Even though I told him they were the best thing, and they were free! He insisted on paying, too.” Juliet snorted into her pancakes when Shawn fluttered his eyelashes at her partner. “Such a gentleman!”

~~~~~~

Carlton munched on his whipped-cream covered pumpkin cinnamon pancakes (he’d been surprised too) and ran a practiced eye over the rest of the group. Guster was currently flirting (badly) with O’Hara, who seemed to be interested. He shuddered. They were both nice, attractive people, he supposed, but he didn’t want to think about that.

Shawn seemed to be interested in Juliet too, which sent an unexpected spike of… something through his gut. 

~~~~~~

“So Shawn, how did you meet Lassiter?”

Carlton’s ears figuratively perked up.

“Uhm.” The PI blinked, then smiled. “Well, my dad has one of those mom & pop banks a little bit out of town, right? And apparently Lassie’s a fan of mom & pop banks. He’s my favorite customer.” Shawn grinned and, setting his now empty container on the table, looped his arms around Lassiter’s shoulders again.

Lassie rolled his eyes and huffed indignantly, but didn’t make to shove the brunette off of him.

Juliet smiled.

~~~~~~

When the Chief walked in at 7:30, she was surprised at the scene in front of her.

The joined desks were covered in case files, with the computers on the floor. There were styrofoam containers with leftover pancake bits strewn around, and there were two strange men in her station. Her Junior Detective was talking and… giggling with the black one in the dress shirt, and…

Karen Vick froze.

There was a man, probably in his later 20s with messy brown hair and hazel eyes, practically sitting in her Head Detective’s lap. 

She sighed.

~~~~~~

“Aww, Lassie.” Shawn laughed. “You never told me you had a bunny.”

Lassiter growled. “O’Hara…” he hissed, blushing.

Juliet smirked and said, “He’s all black and super fluffy… and I think his name is Clint. Like Clint Eastwood.”

The Chief cleared her throat.

Three of the four inhabitants of the desks jumped in their seats. 

“Ch-chief!” Carlton stuttered, shoving Spencer off his lap. “Good news. We… well, Shawn… solved the double homicide.” He gestured to the brunette now sitting on the floor. “Uh… this is Shawn Spencer and his partner, Burton Guster. They run a PI agency and I… hired them for assistance on this case.

Chief Vick’s eyebrows inched up her forehead. “Shawn Spencer? Henry Spencer’s son?”

“That is correct!” Shawn hopped up from the floor and grinned, holding out his hand to shake. “You must be Chief Vick! I’ve heard you run this precinct with foppish aplomb. Lassie thinks very highly of you.”

Lassiter smacked Shawn on the arm.

The chief took the PI’s hand and shook it firmly, slightly confused. What was the relationship between her head detective and the younger Spencer? Lassiter wasn’t anywhere near as familiar with anyone else…

In fact, the whole situation was completely bizarre.

She sighed and said, “Well, can you tell me who did it?”

“Yeah!” Shawn grabbed a stack of papers off the desk. 

While Spencer was explaining the current whereabouts and motivations of the killer, Carlton was watching Shawn.

He saw the way the PI’s eyes lit up as he talked about the murderer, and how animated his whole body was… the collared shirt exposed his collarbone, and there was an adorable scattering of freckles on the tanned skin...

Juliet quirked an eyebrow as she watched her partner practically drool over the brown haired man explaining the case to the Chief. 

Carlton was still staring. 

Shawn caught Lassiter watching him. He smiled.

~~~~~~

“Carlton, can I talk to you for a minute?” Juliet grabbed her partner by the arm and practically dragged him away. Gus watched them perplexedly.

He glared. “What, O’Hara?”

She coughed. “Uhm, are you sure there’s nothing going on between you and Shawn?”

“Of course not!” Lassiter scoffed, shuffling his feet and huffing. “He’s a… friend, at best. More of an acquaintance.”

The blond detective frowned. “You invite all your ‘acquaintances’ to work on double homicide cases?” She noted his eyes: they were focused somewhere above her shoulder.

“Well then…” She acted nervous, casting her eyes downwards and twisting her hands together. “Would you mind if… I asked him on a date?”

As she expected, he stiffened and his eyes narrowed. “Uhm… I mean… that is…” her partner growled.

“Hah!” Juliet poked him in the chest. “I knew it! You have a crush on Shawn!”

He shoved her. “No I don’t!”

“Yes you do!”

“No I don’t!”

“You totally do! You like him!”

“…fine.” He hissed. “It’s a lapse of judgment. A… physical attraction. I do not like him.” The detective sighed. “And it’s not like he could ever feel the same way. He’s out of my league.”

She giggled. “C’mon, I think Shawn’s done explaining the case to the Chief. We should go arrest the guy.”

_And your crush might not be as unrequited as you think._

She walked out, followed by a scowling Lassiter.

~~~~~~

“Come on, guys, I know where he is!” Shawn sprinted out the door, the keys to the Blueberry jangling in his hand. 

Gus ran out after him. “Shawn!” He shouted. “Shawn! You’re not driving my car!”

Lassiter sighed and, snatching his suit jacket and his keys from his desk. “Come on, O’Hara.”

~~~~~~

The brunette PI raised his hands, palms forwards, in the universal gesture of surrender. 

“C’mon, man. I know what you’re up to.” He placed a hand to his head, first two fingers splayed across his temple, and drew in a breath. “You’ve been killing professors and students from the private colleges in the area because the community college you graduated from and currently teach at, the school so close to your heart, isn’t receiving the funding you believe it deserves.”

Shawn stepped closer, eyes darting to the pimply 18 year old, pinned to the older professor by his neck and shaking from the gun pointed at his temple. 

“So you decided… if people saw how much better the community college was, they’d transfer, of course. And what way to make people feel better about the community college than to threaten the people at the private ones? People would start feeling unsafe at the fancy schools and would transfer to the community ones, which have no record of any of their students being kidnapped or murdered.”

He spotted Gus at the far end of the hall, and he gestured frantically towards his mouth and to the lanky cop creeping silently towards the perp, gun raised. The message was clear; Keep talking!

He stuttered. “A-and you have a dog!” Shawn’s eyes were drawn to his cuffs, where there were strands of cream fur. “…a Pekingese? Dude.” 

“Shut up!” Randy’s eyes were looking slightly crazed as he tightened his grip on the student in his arms who, Shawn observed from the graded papers in his hand, was some kind of TA. “SBCC is underappreciated and underfunded. These ‘highly acclaimed’,” he sneered, “colleges receive more funding, and so their academic programs are better, so they have more famous students, so they get funded more!” 

He cocked the gun and, removing it from the hairline of his hostage, pointed it straight at Shawn.

At the moment Lassiter tackled the professor, the chrome gun in Randy’s hand went off.

Shawn fell to the ground.

~~~~~~

“Shawn!”

“SHAWN!” Gus ran over to his best friend, who was currently lying on the floor.

Lassiter looked to the distraught pharmaceutical salesman and sprinted towards the body of Shawn Spencer, kicking Professor Randy in the chest to flatten him on the floor so Juliet could cuff him. “Shawn!”

He shoved Guster out of the way, ignoring his yelp, and knelt down beside the man on the ground. “Shawn… god.” The detective flipped the motionless Spencer onto his back. There was blood seeping out of his upper arm. “He’s unconscious.”

~~~~~~

Shawn blinked slowly, feeling like his head was filled with bees. What had happened?

“Urg…” He groaned. “What happened?”

There was a pressure on his hand. A warm, solid weight wrapping it… Someone was holding his hand.

He opened his eyes.

Lassiter’s head was pillowed on his arm, his other hand gripping Shawn’s.

Lassie was holding his hand.

Lassie had fallen asleep by his hospital bedside clutching his hand.

Shawn refused to let his heart burst.

~~~~~~

“Hey.”

The next time Shawn woke up, Carlton was gone and Gus was standing by his bed.

“Hey, buddy. What… what happened?”

His friend shuffled his feet and looked down at the coffee in his hand. “Randy shot you, Shawn. In the arm.” He handed his bedridden friend an open container of sliced pineapple. “Lassiter carried you to the ambulance. Shawn, he was super worried.” Gus narrowed his eyes. “Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you two?”

Shawn scoffed. “I wish.” He winced as he sat up and picked up the fork in the container of fruit. “Lassie exhibits classic signs of repressed homosexual tendencies, which is made all the more likely seeing as he was raised in a Catholic family and his mother being a lesbian is what broke up his parents.”

Gus sighed. “Can you ever be attracted to normal people, Shawn? There was the dude from the automobile shop who was actually training to be a zoologist, the fireman, the tight-rope juggler…”

There was a knock on the door.

Lassiter poked his head in the room. “Oh. Guster.” He started to retract, but was stopped by Gus.

“You can talk to Shawn, Lassiter.” Gus walked over to the door and yanked it open all the way, causing Lassiter, who was still leaning on the hands, to stumble. “I was just leaving.”  
And before either could remark, he had disappeared from the room.

~~~~~~

Juliet was standing sentry by the door and looked over at Gus when he came out and, closing it behind him, groaned and sagged against the doorframe.  
“Gus, it’s all gonna be alright.” She said. “Shawn’s in stable condition; it was mostly a flesh wound.”

He sighed. “It’s not that I’m worried about.” A hand came up to his forehead, the fingers massaging tense muscles. “It’s him and Lassiter. They’ve so obviously got the hots for each other, but Shawn’s super stubborn and Lassie’s super repressed.”

“Lassiter, repressed? He’s pretty openly bi at the station.” She chuckled. “I mean, it’s not like anyone is brave enough or crazy enough to approach Lassiter at work and ask him out, regardless of gender, and there’s nobody at the station who disrespects him because of it.”

And if there was, they didn’t make it very far up the SBPD ladder. She thought, smiling. Chief Vick was heavily against any kind of discrimination in her department; apparently her nephew, the nurse, was gay.

~~~~~~

“So…” Lassiter glanced around the room, shifting his weight from foot to foot with one of his hands behind his back.

Shawn laughed, though it was slightly strained. “Hey, Lass.” He patted the sheet near his leg. “Sit down, take a load off.”

“Take a load off?” The detective frowned thunderously. “Shawn, you were shot. If you hadn’t turned, you would’ve died. Died, Shawn!” He collapsed onto the edge of the bed.

The bedridden PI looked at him oddly. “Lassie, were you worried about me?”

Carlton growled. “Of course I was worried about you, you idiot!” 

“…more importantly, Lassie, is that a teddy bear holding a pineapple?”

Lassiter seemed to remember what was clutched in his hand. “Oh. Er…”He coughed. “I… saw it in the gift store and… well…”

“Aww, you thought of me?” Shawn touched his chest with his good hand and grinned cheekily. “That’s so sweet!”

The lanky Irishman hissed, “Of course I thought of you. I’ve done nothing but think of you. You were shot, Shawn!”

Before Spencer could say anything, protest, whine, Carton leaned down, quickly, brashly, so close and Shawn caught a whiff of aftershave and cinnamon and Lassie before-

Lassiter was kissing him.

Carlton Lassiter was kissing him, Shawn Spencer.

The actual Carlton Lassiter was kissing him, the actual Shawn Spencer, on his actual mouth.

Lassie, disheartened by the lack of response on Shawn’s part, began to draw back, only to be met with a surge of unexpected ferocity.

They broke apart after a minute, breathless and panting. Shawn caught sight of a sizable bulge in Lassie’s pants and would have laughed had he not been thoroughly debauched and equally hard.

The teddy bear fell into the PI’s lap. 

“So…” Shawn drew out the word, looking into Lassiter’s eyes. 

The detective coughed. “Erm…Shawn…” He scratched the back of his head. “Would you… let me buy you dinner once you get out of here?”

Shawn smiled and agreed, and Lassie’s ensuing smile lit up the room.

~~~~~~

“Damn, they’ve been in there a while.” Gus huffed.

Juliet lifted a shade to the observation window and drew in a gasp. “Er… they’re… busy.” She coughed and dropped the blind.

“Doing wha-,“ He peered through the window. “Oh.” Gus cleared his throat. “Uh… well… do you want to go and grab some breakfast, Jules? I know a great pancake place 5 minutes from here. We can bring some back to Lassie and Shawn…”

She smiled. “I’d love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> So? What did you think? I felt like it was a little rushed.


End file.
